"All You Need Is Love!"
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need.
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If only it was easy! "Love" is such a multi-faceted concept, not helped with English having only a single word, that is it any wonder that there is so much confusion around what "Love" is! The ancient Greeks understood this all too well, and had multiple words to cover all the different aspects and nuances. Depending on which scholar you read, there are between 3 and 9 different Greek words that could be translated as "love" in English.
- Agape — Empathetic, universal, selfless Love - eg. Love of God. ...
- Storge — Unconditional, familial Love. ...
- Philia — Affectionate friendship, 'brotherly' Love. ...
- Xenia — Hospitable Love, especially of travelers and strangers. ...
- Pragma — Committed, companionate Love. ...
- Eros — Romantic passionate Love. ...
- Ludus — Playful, flirtatious Love. ...
- Mania — Obsessive 'Love'. ...
- Philautia — Self Love, as either self-obsessed, or self-compassion. ...
Plato writes of the "Ladder of Love". "The ladder starts with carnal attraction of body for body, progressing to a love for body and soul. Eventually, in time, with consequent steps up the ladder, the idea of beauty is eventually no longer connected with a body, but entirely united with Being itself".
Traditional
thinking about "falling in love" is the transition from 'ludus' playful
flirtation with someone we are (sexually) attracted to, to 'eros'
romantic "in love". But marriage, or any other form of commitment 'love'
is volitional, a conscious decision to companionship and support of
each, through thick and thin. Having climbed the ladder to 'pragma' we
are in a better position for selfless love of 'xenia', philia', 'storge'
and 'agape'.
For this KotW question, "Is love a kink?", we are really talking about the bottom four carnal rungs of the ladder. Kink means being bent out of 'normal' shape. But too often, 'normal' is seem simplistically as a binary condition, normal or not normal. But as any scientist will tell you, 'normal' is a statistical term meaning the most common value in the distribution of all values of some feature in a population.
The most common area of love kink, is in 'ludus' flirtatious play. It may be pushing the boundaries toward romance. More commonly, we add variety (kink?) to spice things up, to keep the relationship alive and not drift into boredom. It can be in role-play of all sorts. Dom/Sub play could be seen as a way of testing each other out to see if/when/how we might be ready to move up the relationship ladder to 'pragma'.
So
far we haven't mentioned sex. Now sexuality is at the core of our
carnal being, and sexual attraction is central to 'ludus' and 'eros'. So
sexual 'kink' is often part of 'love kink', but nor necessarily.
Whilst
the narcissistic, self-absorbed, obsessive character is a deviation
from acceptable norms, it doesn't really meet the criteria of a 'kink'.
Another dimension to 'love kink' is numerical. 'Kink' is then typically defined relative to your own position, thus a monogamist sees polygamy or polamory as kinky.
Ancient Greece had the system of temple prostitutes,
to help young men (typically) progress in climbing the ladder of love,
from 'philautia' to 'ludus' and to teach them the mysteries of 'eros'.
Kinky today, but normal back then. Some sex workers today, also see themselves as having a sacred calling, in introducing and training young men into the wonderful world of sexual pleasures.
Back
to today's world, 'kink' can also work 'down' the ladder, when a
'pragma' relationship has lost any sexual component, for any of dozens
of reasons. One or both individuals might seek sexual satisfaction at an
'eros' level (an affair), or at the 'ludus' level (prostitution, Ladies
Of Pleasure). There is a time and place for 'sexual independence', of separating sex from a committed relationship.
Kink? I think not. "Judge not, that ye be not judged". What ever floats your boat!
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